i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
