i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize