There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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