I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
