I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
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