i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
