she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
