You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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