Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
