she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
