His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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