Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
