I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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