i already hear my dad disowning me
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
