shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
