remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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