Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
