I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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