you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
