Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
