A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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