So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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