I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
