I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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