one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
