in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
