Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
