he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
