never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
