I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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