it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
