When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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