At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
