Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
