plz talk dirty to me
I'm lost and stupid without you.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
