Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I will be naked everywhere
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
