Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize