I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
