Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize