So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
