last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
