I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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