I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
