Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
