His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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