Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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