I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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