I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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