I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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