when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
