my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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