I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
