Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
