Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
