The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
