To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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