god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
