so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
