My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
