u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
