FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
