He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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