I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
