Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
