she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
