either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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