woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
