it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
