You don't have asthma, your pregnant
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize