Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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