oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize