If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
