I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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