i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
