Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
