Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
