Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize