Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I got chris browned last night
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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