You made me cry and you don't even care
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
