dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
