Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
