so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
