Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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