im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
