Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
