I want to walk on stilts...naked
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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