he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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