The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
