what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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