hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
