I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
