it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
