Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Sponge bath it is.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
