just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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