i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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