I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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